Tuesday, 2 June 2009

When first lines attack - and more on characterisation

Yesterday I posted a post about characterisation. This evening as I was browsing the web and wondering what to post tonight I came across another excellent post on characterisation. Bend and Break by noveldoctor. I'd never seen this blog before today, but it's been added to the blogs I subscribe to on the strength of this. (I should think about putting a proper blogroll soon, shouldn't I?)

Today has been a bit quiet on the writing front. I'll have to do some before bed. However, in my defense, I must say that the reason I was light on writing today is that I was researching stuff for "There Might be Dragons" - which still isn't outlined, but which I now have a good idea of the first line for. How do I have the first line before the outline? Well it fell into my brain like a thunderbolt from heaven when I was musing on the first scene.

And I'd like your feedback on it if possible please, people.

Nothing interfered with the continuing search for creatures unknown to science like finding a dead body. A dead human body that is.

Does this grab your attention and make you want to know what's going on? All feedback is welcome - even negative feedback - as long as it's constructive, thanks.

If you're new to my blog and wondering about this "There Might be Dragons" story I'm planning check out my "so where am I at?" post where I talk about my projects. Feedback on my idea is also always welcome.

2 comments:

Carradee said...

"Nothing interfered with the continuing search for creatures unknown to science like finding a dead body. A dead human body that is."

Actually, that doesn't interest me, sorry. Some it is admittedly the punctuation error. (A comma MUST go before "that is.") But it's also too wordy for the tone you're trying to build, and the word choices don't always feel the best for what you're trying to convey. For example, "dead" is redundant paired with "body."

That setup also sounds to me like it needs to be followed up with what kind of body WOULD encourage the study.

I like the ", that is" construction, myself, but remember that it's weak. When I edit later I find that it's usually a confusing tone-killer.

Possible Revision:
Nothing interrupted/hindered the search for creatures unknown to science like finding a body--a human one, that is.
OR:
Nothing waylaid the search for creatures unknown to science like finding a human body.

Becky said...

Hi Carradee,

Thanks for the comment. It may well be a little clunky. My first drafts usually are. I tend towards excessive verbosity.

On the otherhand I'd argue that it's perfectly possible to have a living body - I'm inhabiting on right now. ;-)

Your revisions are good suggestions though. I'll bear them in mind for when I actually write the thing. :-)

Thanks again,
Becky